Archive | December, 2011

Out of control

4 Dec

I was taking a break from writing my final paper, reading Captivating, and knew I needed to write this down so I would not forget. Now, I am pretty sure this is the third time in the past year I have read this book, and I am continually learning new things, each time I read it, mostly because of where I am in my life.  Which make me realize how far I have come in the past year, and also which reveals how much God has to reveal to me, his mystery is so great, and I will continually have more to learn from him.  Tonight, I found this point particularly relevant.

Men, just when we need them to come through for us… check out.  They disappear, go silent and passive. “He won’t talk to me” is many a woman’s lament.  They won’t fight for us.

And women? We tend to be grasping, reaching, controlling. We are so often enchanted, like Eve, so easily falling prey to the lies of our enemy.  Having forfeited our confidence in God, we believe that in order to have the life we want, we must take matters into our own hands. And we end up with an emptiness nothing seems able to fill.

Now, when I first read this book, it was shortly after a break-up, in fact, I got Captivating as a Christmas gift from a dear friend who believed that I could greatly benefit from this book in light of the break-up.  So, I have highlighted the words about men.  True, men will always let women down.  Just as women will always let men down.  No man can fill a woman, no woman can fill a man, and if we go into a relationship thinking that is true, well, then, we’re headed straight for disappointment.  Eve ate the apple first, but Adam didn’t try to stop her. Adam didn’t fight for her, when so desperately, women want a man to fight for her. We want to feel like we are worth it.  We can be told that all the time, but until someone shows us, it’s almost unbelievable, at least for me.  And see, what God showed me first reading this last Christmas was that he believes I am worth it.  Why else would Christmas exist? If I wasn’t worth it, Jesus never would have been born.  God is constantly fighting Satan and the world for my heart.  Sometimes, at the end of the day, I let the world slip ahead, but I know God is fighting, and for that, I have hope.  Every woman is worth it. God fights for me.  So, while I may still want a man to fight for me and win my heart in marriage, I know my heart has been won by God when Jesus died for it.

Tonight, however, something totally different was spoken to me.  I can see, at least most recently in life, I have tried to control relationships.  I have done everything I could think of to try to get what I wanted.  It didn’t work the way I had hoped, but it turns out, God knows what my heart really desires and he has the best in store for me.  I don’t have to try to control people, try to make them feel guilty so I could get what I want.  I was taking things into my own hands because it was me telling God that he really didn’t know what I wanted or needed.  I was taking things into my hands, when really God was saying “wait, I know what is best for you. I have the best in store for you, something far beyond what you can imagine, it’s just not time yet.” I’m not ready, I’ve got to wait, and when the time comes, “God is able to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20). He’s at work in my life, he’s preparing me for the best.  I have to let go in order to let God take over.  I am a control-freak, and I am learning more and more how hard it is to truly surrender control.  I wasn’t created to control, I was created for so much more than I could accomplish if I was in control.  Give up. Let God take over.

I strongly recommend Captivating to every woman.