Archive | February, 2012

Blessed are those who wait on the Lord… but waiting sure isn’t easy.

27 Feb

So often, I’m told I have the gift of patience.  I mean, I want to teach special education, I work at a children’s museum, I worked at a camp for kids with autism.  And I love all of those things.  So I see where people can think that I am patient.  But I guess that is a different kind of patience from the patience required to wait on the Lord.  

I feel like I am in a waiting period of life right now. Waiting for so many things I want, that I believe God wants to give me.  I pray about them so often, and every time, recently, I have been reminded of verses telling me to wait on the Lord.  Like the Song of Solomon verse “Do not arouse or awaken love until the time is right.” Or the verse “wait on the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord.” Or, the verse currently written on my closet mirror, Isaiah 30:18.  

Waiting is so hard.  I don’t want to wait.  And I have recently become convicted that my problem with waiting on God is a trust problem. I believe God is powerful, but I don’t believe that my concerns are also His concerns.  I don’t believe they are worth the time of God who created the universe.  I mean, it’s just a little heartache.  It’s just a guy I really like.  It’s just finding a job… There are far bigger problems that God needs to focus on.  And that’s where I’m wrong.  God CARES that I am hurting. God cares that I have these desires.  God isn’t going to break His promise of  “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  God LONGS to bless me.  To bless every single one of his people. And that is amazing.  To know I am worth it.  To know that I don’t have to be upset because I feel like God is making me wait too long.  God’s time isn’t the same as mine.  I thought I’d have a clue as to where I was going in life.  Turns out, God’s in control.  Times of waiting aren’t meant to be painful and to test patience. Times of waiting are to make sure I’m truly following God’s will, not mine.  Times of waiting are to prepare me.  Times of waiting are blessings.  I don’t have to worry about waiting periods.  God IS faithful.  God loves far more than I could ever understand.  Take comfort in these waiting periods and blessings will come.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you,

He rises to show you compassion.

For the LORD is a God of justice,

Blessed are all who wait for Him.

 

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And thinking, come back home.

24 Feb

“But sometime when the springtime comes and the sifting moonlight falls, they’ll think again of this night here and of these old brown walls, of white Old Well and of Old South. With Bell’s deep booming tone, they’ll think again of Chapel Hill, and — thinking — come back home.” -Thomas Wolfe

It’s a beautiful day in North Carolina.  Just a few days ago, there was snow on the ground, and now it is in the 70s.  And while it is beautiful in Raleigh, days like today I really miss the quad in Chapel Hill. I miss the shouts of Gary, the Pit Preacher.  I miss passing tour groups by the Old Well.  

Those four years at Carolina were wonderful.  Not just because of the education, no that is merely a small part of it.  Chapel Hill is a place that I couldn’t help but fall in love with.  And days like today are one of the reasons why.  There is, in my opinion, no place more beautiful than Chapel Hill in the springtime.  And after four years, they ask you to leave.  It hurts.  I can’t believe it’s been around 9 months since leaving that place..  I don’t think it is something I will ever get over.  And I don’t think it is a feeling anyone that didn’t attend UNC can ever understand.  I have friends that say it’s pretentious, that give me a hard time about being so in love with UNC and barely caring about Meredith where I am getting my graduate education.  

For me, it’s the person I became in my four years at UNC.  I discovered I could achieve many things. I discovered that some people are way too smart.  I connected to everyone on campus when we played Dook, bonded by our love for the University and our hatred for that darker blue school down the road.  I grew closer in my faith with the help of friendships formed in my dorm and on campus, small groups I was a part of, and campus ministries I attended.  I discovered, in part, my passion for people with autism, through UNC.  I faced challenges, and overcame.  I learned about heartbreak and about true friendship.  

Chapel Hill and my time there will forever be in a part of my heart.  Luckily, I’m only 30 minutes away today, which is close enough for a visit.  Tonight, I will dine on B-Skis and walk Franklin Street.  I will revisit my dorm and my friends.  And I can’t wait. 

 “We’ll hold it briefly, feel its pulsing heart before letting it go to impart that Carolina magic to those students there now, and to all those who will come in the endless future, stay awhile, and leave a part of their soul in a place called Chapel Hill.”

Loneliness

24 Feb

I’ve always loved being surrounded by friends.  Not that I don’t appreciate time alone as well, but knowing that I can get to a friend quickly has been something I have always enjoyed and appreciated. It was something I took for granted through college. Living in the same dorm for 4 years, having the same roommate, and my closest friends staying in that dorm too were all wonderful things I definitely am realizing that I took for granted.  Now I have roommates, and while I like them, we’re not close.  My closest friends live 30 minutes away, if traffic is good. I like the people I work with, but I’m not super close to them either.  I’ve met awesome people at church, but they are people that I only see once a week for a few minutes before the service.

Being in Raleigh, working so much and being kept busy by school is something that has kept me from really developing any close relationships.  I spend lots of nights lonely and wishing I was better at making friends.  And when I see friends I feel even lonelier after they leave because I am reminded of how far away they live.  When I am upset, I can’t run down the hall to get a hug.  It’s tough.

So my solution has become to pray.  And while I still get lonely, I have grown so much closer to God. I am reminded I’m not alone.  While I can’t literally get a hug, I can get hope that is eternal.  I hate being lonely.  But at least I’m never alone.

Devil worship.

9 Feb

Now, I don’t want to be mean, but if you cheer for Duke, you’re a devil worshipper… just throwing that out there. Just kidding… but seriously…

Last night was one of the biggest nights of the year for any Carolina, Dook, or simply NCAA basketball fan. The biggest college basketball rivalry. And what a great game it was. Sadly, for Carolina fans like myself, it didn’t end the way I would have preferred. Sitting in the lounge of the dorm I spent my four years in as an undergrad, watching with a lot of people I didn’t know and some friends I love dearly, last night was a night we spent as one group who wanted simply for a Carolina victory. If you aren’t a graduate/student of either university, you can’t understand the intensity of this night. Watching Austin Rivers hit that 3 as the buzzer rang sent a devastating cry of “NO” heard across campus, while eight miles down the road, the dookies were celebrating.

For many, last night was worse than my experience. Sure, I went to Harris Teeter with some other girls after the game to get chocolate and console ourselves for the loss. But after the game was over, instead of rushing Franklin Street in celebration, I was still joyful. In a Dook victory? Never. But because my joy rests in something much more solid than a winning basketball record for my team. My joy rests in the salvation I have through Christ. And that is something that can never be taken away.

It’s so easy to turn sports into an idol, especially when you go/went to what is considered a great athletic university. Academics is another thing that I believe many UNC students hold as idols, but that’s beside the point. Think about it? When is acceptable in today’s culture to scream and paint your bodies and get riled up over something you personally have no control over? Athletics. Athletics consumes us, and seeing a “L” on the records can break hearts. I’m not saying cheering for your team is bad, but why obsess over it. At the end of the game, the win or loss won’t change the suffering of your heart, it won’t change the people who love you, it won’t change anything. We can’t let idolatry of something so small consume us. It’s hard not to get caught up, but when I got back to my apartment last night, I still had a family and friends who love me, I still have a diploma from one of the top universities in the country, I still have the chance to change lives. And most importantly, I still have the love of a savior that can NEVER be taken away.

“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” Jonah 2:8