Tag Archives: marriage


13 May

This is a beautiful story, I was in tears from the time I pressed play.


I should be asleep

6 Mar

My mind is racing. I can’t stop thinking of that discussion.  I  keep thinking of all the words I wish I had said. And then I think of the words from another article, An Apology from a Man. and the line “your only obligation is to believe the truth about yourself.”  So, here’s to the man that will one day realize my Truth the way I am longing for.

I’m sorry society has made me feel like I need to compromise the values I have held since I was a little girl.  I’m doing my best not to compromise, but it is oh so difficult.  With all the messages out there screaming that no man will ever want me if I say no, it’s hard not to believe those lies. It’s hard to remember I am in this world, not of it, and the man I was made as an ezer kenegdo will also be in and not of the world, so he will not hold society’s values. I’m sure you’re struggling with the lies of society and with desires that conflict with what you believe. And I will do my best, when the time comes, to help you with those struggles. I’m sorry for believing society’s lie that if I don’t have a boyfriend something must be wrong with me.  I’m doing my best to wait for you, until you are ready to pursue me, and not feed the lie that I have to date.  I’ve never been the kind of girl who is able to go out and meet guys and have a different date every night.  I’ve spent countless nights alone instead of out with a guy who wanted to date me because I am trying to guard my heart so I don’t bring anymore emotional damage into my life, so I can love you with every ounce of my heart, until you come second in my life only to God Himself.  When I am asked by family members where my boyfriend is, I will do my best to remember you are out there.  That I am not going to end up the Old Maid.  And I am going to stop listening to society’s lies to me. I am going to secure myself in the Word of God so that when I am in situations that challenge me, I will be able to remember the promises God has placed in my heart.

You are going to be worth all the pain. All the tears I cry in bed, as a cry out to God to help me understand why I am still waiting.  I know God’s got a different timetable for my life than I do, and His is better than mine. Part of God’s greatness is this mystery.

From the time that I was a little girl, I have understood that I was created to be a help-meet. I don’t think I understood what that was at the time, but I certainly knew I wasn’t meant to live alone. I wish you could see your worth. I wish you believed in yourself the way I believe in you.  I wish I was able to encourage you with that now.  But you had better believe that once we are together, I will show you that the past has made you a stronger man, and that you will be fine as a boyfriend, as a husband.

This time alone is hard. So very hard.  But I believe it will be worth it. I believe God is preparing us for each other.  It is so hard to wait patiently.  It is so hard to see God’s will in this time of pain.  I’m only 22, and the average age of marriage is getting older.  I know all this. But I also know the aches, I also know the loneliness. I know you won’t fix that.  Lonely single people become lonely married people because they don’t let God fill them the way only God can.  But I also know there is a desire in my heart that is not a bad thing, as long as I don’t idolize it. And I believe God’s promise to me, “delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I believe God is faithful to His promises. So I will wait. I will prayerfully wait for you.

I am going to live my life to the fullest.  I am going to finish grad school, find a job teaching, and serve God with every part of me.  When we are both ready, you’ll show up, man up, and pursue me the way I was meant to be pursued.  I don’t need you. But I want you. You are worthy. I can’t wait to show you that, to serve you, and with you in this world for the Kingdom.