Tag Archives: nerves


25 Aug

I think I’m at that point where I have to let go of control.

I don’t think I’m a controlling person, at all.  But I do like to know what’s going on, I like to have a plan for everything.  And now, that’s just not happening. And I’m scared.

Monday begins the first day of student teaching with students actually being at the school. And I’m terrified.  I’m terrified because it’s sinking in that this is for real.  That from now until December, every thing I do at that school is going to be under a microscope.  If I’m not proficient in every area, this past year of grad school has been wasted.  And after I finish, who knows what comes next? Will I find a job teaching in Raleigh? Will I move somewhere else?  

I know over and over again in the Bible, it says not to worry.  You know, Matthew 6:25-34 says not to be anxious, God’s going to take care of me.  What can worrying do? Luke 12:25 says “who by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” I know it does nothing but make me want to cry, stress me out, and bring me to the point of breaking.  Yet, it’s human nature.  Human nature not to trust God because we are by nature, sinners.  We don’t naturally have that faith.  But as believers, we should know, that just as God feeds the birds, he will take care of us, men and women created in His image.  

So while I’m sitting here worrying about a job, and where to move and who I’m going to marry and this and that, the list could go on, I’m wasting precious time.  Time that God has given me to live out His mission for the world.  And when my life is following God’s will, that is when I will find joy, that is when the worry will fade.  So tonight, and through this semester, and throughout my life, I will rest in the arms of my Savior, my God, my Father.  And I will pray this song that we sing in church… “Give me faith to trust what You say, that You’re good and Your love is great… I may be weak, but Your Spirit’s strong in me, my flesh may fail, but my God, you never will.”

When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. -Psalm 56:3